Saturday, December 29, 2012

Promises

I’m pretty sure that New Years resolutions are impossible to keep and stupid to start with. I’ve been “making” them all my life and have kept very little of them. Every year I have the same one: lose weight, eat better, get in shape. Eh. Who doesn’t make that one for themselves every January? Last year, however, I made the most progress on that resolution than I ever had before. I took care of my body for more than four months. I exercised daily, took better care of my body by eating healthier and managing my portions. I trained for a half marathon and completed 13.1 miles on race day! I was doing really well until I decided my heart was stronger too and I was ready to let men into my life. Biiiiig mistake! Even though I was feeling better about my body and starting to love myself more, I wasn’t ready to let someone else try to do that. My heart was not strong enough and it could not handle all of the idiotic things that they did, said, and/or didn’t do or say.  As a result, I spiraled out of control, lost my routine, stopped exercising as much, ate my feelings, and now, in December, I am 20 pounds heavier than I was when I joined that damn dating site in May.

But what this taught me is that I can do it! I can take control of my health and I can make myself stronger – mind, body, and soul! So, for 2013, I’m starting over… again. I’m so tired of treating my body like a garbage can. I eat senselessly and with reckless abandon! I can’t jog anymore because I’m so fat it makes my feet and my knees hurt. In the spring I could jog 10 minutes straight, no problem. Now I can’t even jog 45 seconds without it hurting. Hell, I can’t even get out of bed in the morning without my feet hurting. They’re carrying waaay too much weight. I’m tired of stuffing my face with fast food and then regretting it for hours afterwards as my intestines do somersaults and cramp up and I have to give up control of my day to worry about whether or not I will need to make a quick escape to a toilet. I’m also tired of feeling like I’m going to give birth to a food baby after most of my meals. Ew. And recently I’ve been having problems with my esophagus. And my blood pressure has been up! And these are just the health issues. I don’t even want to go into the whole thing about my clothes not fitting me and hurting me when I wear them.

I have a million reasons why I should be better to my body and HELLO. I only get one body to live in. I better start treating it right. Lord help me, this year will be the year. And instead of a resolution, I will make a promise to myself.

This year I will treat my body well. I promise to exercise and eat well and love myself for everything that I am and everything that I can be.

That is my promise. I could make a resolution like, “I am going to lose 80 pounds!” or “I will move to Vancouver in June,” or “I will pay off one or both of my remaining credit cards.” They’re so easy to say but if I don’t fulfill them, all I have left are empty words. But a promise? A promise is so much better. Making a promise to myself is stronger because I know that if I break that promise I will be unhappy. I will be overweight, I will be in pain, and I will be sad. And I don’t want to be sad.

I promise to take care of myself in 2013. That is a promise I can’t afford to break.

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