Lately (actually, for my entire adolescent and adult life) I’ve been really mindful of the music that is out there, acting as my personal, independent therapist. I heard this one today that had me thinking, reminiscing, laughing, forehead-palming all at once.
This song pretty much sums up my life for EVERY damn
relationship fakelationship, one-night-stand, confused-one-sided-broke-down-relation… or what have you – that I’ve ever had in my whole life. I wonder “COULD IT BE?!?!” with every new boy that shows me any shred of attention or affection. Obviously, it never was. What a dumb idea… to have a one-night-stand from a meeting at a bar and think, “THIS COULD BE REAL LOVE!” Now, as I listen to this song again, in the background as I write this post, I’m starting to think that I might hate it a little bit because it reflects so much of me, or at least a past version of me and a part of me that I want to change. I’m almost kind of embarrassed of myself for having admitted that I think like that. As a much stronger girl woman than I was just a few short weeks ago, I know this mentality is seriously damaging and it’s probably why I’ve got a playlist that is 7 hours long which I’ve titled, “Free Therapy.”
Right now I’m single and being selfish with my time and I’m happy being ALONE. No “could it be?” questions are circling overhead. It’s a good thing for me because I’m working on me and falling in love with me… which absolutely, positively has to happen if I ever hope to get over my “could it be” syndrome. So, while this song makes me laugh and think back on one too many bad decisions and fast mistakes that I thought would be my one and only, I really hope it’s a thing of the past.
*Well, once I actually looked up the lyrics, I realize that the song is about hooking up with his friend who he’s had a crush on and the repercussions of it but since I don’t have any idea what that’s like, I interpreted it in my own way. Regardless, it has brought up some tough stuff that I’m really willing to work on!*
Stay tuned for an update about my all time favorite free and versatile therapist, Taylor Swift!